Vegeta's bad night
"Dammit Vegeta! What the HELL are you doing?!" Bulma cursed at the Saiya-jin Prince. He scowled as his ears rung with her high-pitched screaming.
"Woman! Stop shouting! I can hear you and probably still could if I were still on Vegeta-sei!" He yelled, raising his volume above hers deliberately. Bulma flung her hands up in frustration with a cry of anger.
"What on earth possessed me to let you stay here?! You're a bloody nuisance!" She yelled. Vegeta got up from the chair and tossed the remote at her. She scrambled to catch it and clamped it between both hands. Vegeta smirked.
"Fine… Watch your bloody stupid soap operas…" He snorted as he stormed out of the living room. After a hard day's training, Vegeta wanted to relax and channel-surf for a while. But no. That Kami-forsaken baka had something she simply couldn't miss, so to quote. He cursed incoherently as he stormed to his room and swung the door open. Vegeta cringed as it flew off it's hinges and soared across the room, hitting the wall with a crack. He rolled his eyes and slapped a hand on his forehead. Not only was she a shrieking banshee, her house was falling apart! Vegeta ignored it and dragged himself over to his bed, crashing down on it heavily. He sighed as he buried his face in the soft pillow. With a frown, he sat up as a feather that poked out of the surface dug into his cheek. He yanked it out, another one following it out. A sceptical look was thrown at the pillow as he pulled it out again, another one taking it's place instantly. Vegeta took a deep breath. Dende was just trying to piss him off now… After a few fruitless attempts at trying to remove all the thorny feather spines, Vegeta lifted the pillow and tossed it at the wall. It burst in an explosion of feathers, the small light objects shooting in different directions. Vegeta clenched his fists.
"DENDE, WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU?!?!"
Vegeta left the feather filled room to get cleaned up as Bulma came upstairs. She took one look at him and cracked up.
"Vegeta! You look like a chicken!" She laughed, pointing at him. Vegeta simply glared at her and turned, walking back into his door-less room. Bulma noticed the open hole in the wall and peered in as the prince flopped down on the bed. She stifled a laugh.
"What are you looking at, baka?!" He asked, exasperated and way past annoyed. Bulma sniggered.
"What were you doing? Having a pillow fight with a duck?"
"Just get out!" He yelled, tossing the pillow case at her. It fell a few feet away from her with a pathetic flop. Bulma looked down at the white casing and looked back up at Vegeta.
"That…. was pitiful…" She smirked. Vegeta scowled.
"This won't be…" He threatened as a ki blast powered up in his hand. Bulma 'eeped' and made a run for it with another sarcastic comment thrown over her shoulder. Vegeta gritted his teeth and set after her, ki ball in hand.
Mrs. Briefs wandered out of the bathroom, a towel on her head and her clothes in one hand as she hugged her bathrobe to herself. She wandered down the hallway and stopped at the top of the stairs as she heard a commotion. She blinked in confusion as Bulma shot up the stairs and bolted down the hall, shouting something about flying without wings. Her confusion doubled when Vegeta shot after her, covered in feathers and resembling a large chicken. Mrs. Briefs shook her head and wandered downstairs.
Bulma stopped at the end of the hall as Vegeta cornered her. Bulma looked out of the open window before turning to Vegeta, who was advancing on her with a murderous grin on his face. She raised her hands in defence.
"Vegeta… Let's not be hasty…"
"Hasty? HASTY?!" Vegeta yelled, his fist glowing with ki. He made a lunge for her. Unfortunately, he tripped over Dr. Briefs' cat, Scratch, as it suddenly bolted of out absolutely nowhere. With an unroyal yipe, Vegeta fell against Bulma, knocking them both out of the window. Vegeta yelled loudly as they twisted so that Bulma was on top of him as they fell out. He worried about having her land on him and squishing him at the same time half of the feathers would jag him in the ass. They were two floors up and that would hurt. The horrible though of having to have feathers removed with tweezers was enough to scare Vegeta into Super Saiya-jin stage 2. With a cry of "I'm gonna get squished and my ass will become a pin cushion!!!", Vegeta closed his eyes. It took a good few moments to register they weren't even falling. Bulma sat on his stomach, looking at him with the officially most sceptical look ever given. Vegeta opened one eye and looked around, only to realise they had landed on the fire escape. With the tidgy scrap of dignity and pride he had left, Vegeta shoved Bulma off him and stood up, dusting himself off and causing a few feathers to fly. Bulma covered her mouth with one hand in an attempt to stop from laughing. Vegeta glared at her before sighing and taking off into the night. He had a feeling this was going to be a bad night…
Vegeta returned later that evening, cleaned up and a good deal calmer. He walked into the house via the back door. There were no lights on. Obviously, the family had gone to sleep. Vegeta fumbled his way in the dark through the kitchen. After smacking into the door frame with a few very colourful curses being emitted, Vegeta made his way out into the hallway. He made a misjudgement whilst trying to get his foot on the first stair and smash, down he went. Vegeta, with a suggestion of what Dende should do with his amusement, got to his feet and made his way up the stairs again. On the first landing, he kept going when he should have turned and banged into the wall. It he hit another object, he swore he was going to go bloody nuts! Upon finally making to his room, Vegeta's nose was heading several different directions. He growled under his breath and proceeded to removed his boots and gloves. Without a thought for who might be peering through the window, Vegeta whisked off the remainder of his clothing and crawled into the bed. The covers were jammed and he could not, for the love of Kami, pull them over. He rolled over and went against something warm. Vegeta frowned. What the hell…? He reached out and touched something soft. There was a slight groan and a light came on. It was only then that Vegeta realised the horrible truth. This wasn't his room, this wasn't his bed, and he was naked in bed with Bulma grabbing her right breast.
An almighty shriek rung through the West Capitol and half the continent. Birds flew from trees, animals ran for cover and even Bulma's father stirred a bit in his slumber. Bulma whacked Vegeta hard, knocking him out the bed. He groaned and rubbed his head, only to be reminded by another shriek that he was still, in fact, wearing nothing but his birthday suit. Vegeta scrambled for his clothes and wrapped them around… 'himself' to prevent further viewing from a very wide-eyed Bulma. He slapped a hand over his eyes and hoped this was nothing but a VERY bad dream. When he peeked through his parted fingers and saw Bulma still staring, he got up (Making sure he was still covered) and exited the room. Vegeta got dressed again and went downstairs. On his ass that is. Another trip over the cat with the seemingly perfect timing sent him soaring through the air, skidding down the stairs on his ass and landing in a crumpled heap at the bottom, thanks to a rather painful rebound off the vase on the first landing. Vegeta got up. He needed a drink. Now.
On entering the kitchen, Vegeta decided not to tempt fate, or Dende, any further and switched on the light. He squinted as his eyes refused to focus and made his way to the cupboard for bottled water. He didn't want the cold stuff from the refrigerator. He grabbed the first bottle, pinging the top off with his thumb (which rebounded off the cupboard door and hit him between the eyes) and downed the bottle. He wiped his mouth and put the bottle down as his eyes finally focused. Vegeta sighed happily. Now for some sleep… One step forward, or was it backwards, assured him that WASN'T going to be happening. The next thing he knew, he was sitting on the cold linoleum floor watching the kitchen utensils dance around him. Vegeta blinked and rubbed his eyes in hope of making them disappear. No such luck. He stared wide-eyed as the spoon came over to say hello. It bowed down on it's knees (Wait, spoons don't have knees, do they?) and began praising him as 'King of the Cutlery'. Vegeta smirked as a few forks and a couple of knives followed suit. This was quite funky…
Bulma got up and put her night-robe on before going in search of Vegeta. She had heard a clatter and decided to go and investigate. She followed the sound to the kitchen and saw that the light was on. As soon as she entered, she could have sworn she was dreaming. Vegeta sat in the middle of the floor, clapping his hands and singing something about the Pillsbury Dough Man. She turned to leave until she was noticed.
"Servant!" Vegeta yelled. Bulma rolled her eyes. As if 'woman' wasn't bad enough.
"What do you want?" she asked as she walked into the kitchen and stood a few feet away from him.
"I speak not for me, but for my people! We need dishwashers!!" Vegeta yelled drunkenly, a few hiccups added in for free. Bulma raised an eyebrow.
"Beg pardon?" She inquired. Vegeta stood up and proclaimed with and outstretched arm and pointed finger that the almighty King of the Cutlery would not let his men go rusty. He waved a hand around him.
"Don't you see?! Hand washing just won't do! It's not good enough. They need to be immaculate when the Clothes Brigade comes!"
"Clothes… Brigade? Vegeta, I think you've…" Bulma trailed off as she took as step forward. She froze when Vegeta gasped in an over-emphasised manner, his face showing pure and utter shock and horror.
"Oh no! Oh the humanity of it all!" Vegeta wailed bursting into tears. Bulma looked around for a fire or something.
"What?! What is it?!"
"You stepped on him!"
"I WHAT?!" Bulma looked at her feet as Vegeta sunk to his knees.
"You stepped on him! Oh woe! Thou had killed a great man!" Vegeta said in a rather pitiful impression of an English accent. "He was Sir Ladle! No one could rival his fabulous skills but you! You have ended him in one careless and tragic movement! Oh woe is me!" Vegeta wailed loudly, burying his head in his hands. He crawled over and wrapped his arms around her legs, mourning for whoever the heck Sir Ladle was. Bulma took one look at the empty bottle of ethanol on the counter and gasped.
"What the hell were you trying to do?! Kill yourself?!" She tried to go over to it but was tripped up but the rather blitzed saiya-jin prince who had attached himself to her legs. She cursed. "Vegeta!"
"Oh fair Bulma-chan! How I looooooooooove yooooooooooouuu!" He sang. Bulma rolled her eyes.
"Uh, yeah, love you too…"
"No, no… You don't understand…" Vegeta said drunkenly, wagging his finger at her. "My love for you… is more than even my love for Sir Ladle and all the people of the kitchen drawer… For you are my lady and I am your humble dog!" he proclaimed. Bulma could honestly say she was scared… Vegeta detached himself from her legs and got up before picking up a dishtowel. After tying it round his neck proudly, he picked Bulma up and tossed her onto his shoulder. "Come my lady! We shall ride into the night on my mighty steed and show those Clothes Brigadiers a thing or two about polyester!" He proclaimed loudly. Bulma shrieked as Vegeta trotted over to the back down and yanked it open. She prayed her would shut up so that there was less chance of the neighbours hearing. But that was wishful thinking.
"Vegeta…"
"Oh my golly gosh! Looks at all the gnomes and elves!" He squealed, clapping his hands together and allowing Bulma to slide off his shoulder and land with a thud. She watched as Vegeta bounced about the backyard like an over excited beach-blonde. He pranced over to the pond and looked in, waving. "Halo Mister Fishy-wishy!"
"Vegeta! What the hell?!" Bulma got up and went over. He turned round and grabbed her.
"Let's boogie!" He yelled. Bulma shrieked as she was spun about the garden whilst Vegeta sung a mixture of Saturday Night Fever and the Teletubbies. Bulma ducked as she was swung rather near a low tree branch. Vegeta was not as lucky. With a loud crack, Vegeta thwacked his head off the branch and fell to the ground in a heap. Bulma looked down at the unconscious prince and shook her head.
"What a bloody idiot…"
Vegeta awoke the next morning to find be greeted by a rather scary monster. With a yelp, a he flung a ki blast at his attacker. Surprised that there was no cry of pain, Vegeta squinted in the morning light to get a better look. Mind you, a chest of drawers never was notorious for it's banshee-like tendencies… Vegeta was quick to realise he had the most painful headache known to mankind. With a groan, he flumped back down onto the pillow. Or at least, where it would have been. There was knock at the door/wall and Bulma came in. She smiled.
"Feeling better?"
"Bugger off…" Was the muffled reply. Bulma simply laughed.
"Here… these should help…" She smiled, handing him a glass of water and some pills. Vegeta lifted his head and looked at her warily. Bulma rolled her eyes. "Don't worry… It's real water and you won't go doo-laly this time…" She assured him. Without a word, Vegeta took the water and pills and downed them both. He handed her the glass.
"Thanks…" He muttered. Bulma smiled.
"No problem, Cutlery King!" She laughed as she left the room. Vegeta raised and eyebrow. Just what did she mean by that? And 'real water' for that matter? Had she been giving him some sort of substitute drink or something? Vegeta decided not to bother worrying and lay back down to sleep, unaware of the tales he would be told when he awoke again…